Opening concert last night. I felt connected and at-home. Pre-sold 15+ CDs. I'm starting to see what this singing career thing is all about, and I'm pretty sure that I don't want to do it forever. It's not the money thing......it's more about being objectified. The only connection I have with anyone is the fact that they saw me in concert. This comes to mind today because more than one person wanted to carry on a conversation with me at the mall today.....people I don't recognize. Recognition was on their faces--the only thing I can think of is that they go to my church, or saw me in concert somewhere. I feel badly because I have no idea who they are or how they know me. THAT'S the part I don't like about the business. As soon as someone sees you in public they assume that you know who they are--even when you don't. I think the biggest problem for me is that I was expecting to join an already established group. What actually happened is that I joined 2 people already in a group and through the course of events we formed our own, seperate group. The work that I was expecting to be done when I began actually began a few weeks ago. I don't feel badly about moving home again, I feel badly because I think I'm disappointing the others. But how do explain my own disappointment without hurting anyone or being mean? If I need to come back, I will. Right now, I need to leave.
I move home in one week.