Saturday, September 30, 2006

14 days

2 weeks til the wedding--311 people invited--204 replied YES! Am I ready? Yes. Am I excited? Yes. Do I understand completely just how my life is going to be totally different? No. Do I know what's expected of me? No. Do I have expectations of him? Yes. Can I tell him? Not yet. My composure is something I struggle with maintaining. I would rather suffer for a while than make known my discomfort. I guess it's because I just want him to be happy. Maybe I just don't want to deal with uncomfortable situations with my husband-to-be. Before I got out of bed this morning, the realization that I'll be not only sleeping, but WAKING UP with another person finally became clear to me. I didn't realize how much I value my own personal space. I didn't fully realize either that I have two houses, but not a home yet. My personal property is in two locations now, but I don't feel like either one is "home". I think I'll miss channel surfing or watching stupid movies whenever I want to. I'm sure I'll love being married, but I never thought about the details of my life that will change. It dawned on me that I have no idea how he spends a large portion of his mornings. What would he think if he knew I stay in bed until 7:45 or 8:00, roll out of bed and into the shower, make something for breakfast, brush my teeth and dress in just enough time to run out the door and head to work at 9:30? I'm awake at around 7:15 every morning, I just don't get out of bed until I feel like it. Earlier if I have to go to the bathroom (but I still go back to bed until the alarm). I guess I'm lazy. My whole routine is going to change. But, I know his will, too. I don't think I'm struggling so much as I'm realizing new things every day. I love him. I don't really think I'll "miss" anything. I just want to be with him. And this ends my thoughts on the matter for today. My pillow is calling to me and I believe it's time for me to visit. Good night.

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