Monday, September 18, 2006

26 days to go

My life is about to change more completely in the next 26 days than it ever has before. I'd be lying if I said I'm not a little scared. I'm a woman who has been taught (and believe on my own) that "woman" was made for "man". I have, in essence, spent my whole life learning how to please a man--how to be a house-keeper and a cook and a laundress and (more recently) what is involved in being a lover. But, is my domestic schooling over? Now that I'm to be a wife, is the husband-getting finished? The answer is: no. The wedding day is not the end of a quest. I've read that brides often experience a let-down after the wedding. Not that they're stems more from the fact that they pour so much of their time, energy, and resources into one day that when it's over they find they have all kinds of time that they have no idea how to fill. And "entertainment" can only go on for so long. Some couples have filled their time with shopping trips, movies, beach visits, or sports. How will I fill my time? I have a later honeymoon planned, so what'll Dean and I do in the in-between? Likely, I'll crowd him. More likely, I'll FEEL like I've crowded him. I don't really have a hobby to speak of, and I like doing lots of things--just, not for too long. I'd like to read, but it makes me tired. I'd like to host a dinner party, but we won't have the space for awhile. I'd like to take pride in having a splendid, beautiful garden, but I'm too lazy for that. It all sounds ridiculous, but it's what's on my mind lately.

Dean has remodeled the master bathroom in his house. I didn't expect that. He loves me. That isn't what gave it away, but it showed me a different kind of love than I was really expecting. I expect him to love me and I know he's sweet, but it was just...more. He didn't have to do that for me to love him. He knew that, and he did it anyway. Just like how he doesn't have to get me flowers, but he does and I love it! I can't think of anyone on this earth I'd rather be with forever. And, in 26 more days, I'll be his wife. God's timing is impeccable.

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