Life training

I'm not really sure why I'm on here now. I don't really have anything profound to write. All kinds of thoughts are running through my head. Thoughts like: I wish I were at home reading my book. It's a real page-turner! I love watching it rain out the window. I daydream about the kitten I'll have some day. I also daydream about the baby. That's right, I said "baby." about 8 months to go before I meet one I've spent my whole life in training to properly influence and love. I've always known that I was meant to be a wife and mother. I got the "wife" part down pretty good starting just a little over one year ago, now I have just a little more time before I start the whole "mother" thing. I'm excited and scared at the same time. This is going to mean that I can't just get in the truck and go whenever I want to. It's going to mean that I'm no longer first. This is going to be the end of me and the beginning. Others will no longer see me, but they'll see the baby. Friends I haven't spoken to in (maybe) years will suddenly want to re-connect...especially those who have avoided me. A baby means that entertainment choices change. Am I cut out for it? I hope so. A baby doesn't go away...I hope. It's going to be harder to go to amusement parks for a while. It's going to be more difficult to sleep at night. But, a baby is easy to love - especially when you look forward to it for a lifetime. I think I'm ready...we'll see.

Newness

So...I got a new job...a long time ago! I've been the Administrative Assistant at a church 3 miles from home since August 1. I just realized that I made no mention of the new job. So far it's okay. I print the bulletins and make the monthly newsletters and answer the phone when it rings. And I get to be super-friendly. I'm good with it. Lots of things in my heart...love, joy, peace, fear, rage, and curiosity. I've lost 17.3 pounds since January2nd--not very fast, but it seems to be sticking. That puts me into a size 8/10...something that's never happened before. Love to all.

Mawidge

After almost a year of marriage, I find myself remembering some old relationships and near-relationships. Sophomore year of college:My first date was a set-up blind date just to say I'd been on a date. He was rather unwilling and didn't even pay (it was a double with my brother and his wife). Dinner was fine, but I never really heard from him afterwards. I almost dated friend#1 after that, but he decided it wasn't a good idea (wisdom on his part). Another near relationship with friend #2 just after that...he was "wife-shopping" that summer, but I was already dating my first boyfriend. Junior year of college: Boyfriend #1 turned out to be pretty bad news. He equaled family stress and a near-disaster. After I was through with him, I almost got with friend #3, but didn't. Went to the wedding of friend #2 with friend #1. Senior year of college: Boyfriend #2 was a mutual friend of mine and friend #3. He was even worse than boyfriend #1. Almost (again) got with friend #1. Summer after college: Back with boyfriend #1 for about 2 weeks...let's not go there. Met a wonderful man (friend #4) but not sure the feelings were mutual. Autumn after college: Gave the fate of friend #4 to God and met my Favorite Friend about two days later.

Here I am, almost 2 years after meeting my Favorite Friend. I'm sitting at my new job (after hours) just remembering everything. I was in friend #1's wedding last summer. I wonder how friend #3 and his new wife are doing. Not sure what boyfriends number 1&2 are up to--not sure I really care that much. Friend#4 is still in college and I wonder what he's up to now. Last I knew, he was having a great time in training for the ministry. It's amazing where God takes us...and where He lets us go without Him. All this came to mind because I was thanking Him again for rescuing me from the disasters that almost were with boyfriends 1&2. I think of what my life could be like right now and I'm so thankful for His faithfulness.

We hope to be breaking ground for the house by next month...we'll see. The Lord will be faithful in this adventure. We're seeking His Will and His Timing for this project. We're also seeking His Timing on a different adventure, but enough of that for now.

Day 2 of no job. Going to start working on website for my husband's new business as a Captain Jack Sparrow impersonator. He's been rather successful with this gig since September and we're starting to really get into it. We're hoping to buy a digital camera today to take with us to all our parties. One year ago tomorrow he asked me to be his wife...I said yes...fireworks ever since then. Lots of things on my heart. God, my family, the house, church, puppies. I'm excited to see what God will have us doing in the next year. I feel pulled in all kinds of directions, and I think I could do all of them very well, but they all take lots of time. I'll have to seek His will for me a little harder, I think. Many things to do now...will write later.

I did it. I gave my 2-week notice. My last day is June 29. I feel...less burdened. It's nice.

New house is getting a slow start. I wanna quit my job. When you begin to dread going and start counting down the hours when you walk in the door (and are constantly trying to avoid talking to the boss) it's a pretty good indication it's time to go. How do I quit without it getting personal? No, really, tell me.

Slight update

No longer at the second job...but it's a good thing. Where does the Lord want me? Not sure yet. Still at the first job. Gave my notice for the end of March, but the boss asked me to stay and offered more money...so, why leave? Have been looking at floor plans. This is both the most difficult and most fun thing yet. Struggling to find a balance between planning for the future and not spending more than is affordable. I know everyone says, "We can add that later." But do they? The answer is no. Either because they get all caught up in life and living, or because they can't afford it later. Mostly, it only rarely gets added. Am I rotten for wanting the best that money can buy? No. Everyone wants the best. And nobody wants to spend the rest of their lives paying for it. But, I would rather pay for a little while longer on a $30K debt than to spend a lifetime hearing "later." Anyway, nothing's been paid for yet and no papers are signed, so we're still safe...I'M still safe.

New things to ponder...

Life now is very different than it was only 5 months ago. Working at new job and preparing to quit the first while still holding out hope for the third. Do I use my degree? Every day. Do I get paid according to the use of my college education? Yes and no. My degree says that I am capable of managing people in an office or as a manager, but I don't have the neccessary experience yet. And really, let's all be honest here. A broad communication degree really only means that I "play well with others." What that really says is that I know how to stand up for myself professionally, am eager to please those in charge, and am skilled at hiding my true opinion when it doesn't really matter. Sounds great until you realize that those are basic skills for the observant. Bottom line, I still have to work somewhere.

On another topic completely unrelated: Have begun listening to a book on CD called, Captivating by John and Staci Elderidge. He also wrote Wild at Heart. I am loving this book! I've borrowed the first three CDs, but find that it's not enough and will have to actually purchase this book for myself. I've always had trouble finding words for the deeper things in my heart and was always positive that whatever I was feeling wouldn't make sense to others anyway. John and Staci have written down everything in my heart--often in perfect words. It comes highly recommended by me and I will probably make it a gift to more than one friend over the years.

On to other unrelated topics: My heart has been opened to the spiritual realm in a way that creeps others out. Not sure how to deal with the rejection of those close to me. I'm still learning alot about it myself--I don't know everything here--but when God shows me something, there's no doubt that it's Him.
I've begun experiencing severe mood swings...this makes life with me complicated and not always pleasant. I'm also down 5 pounds since the beginning of the year and have 13 more to go for my goal weight! I'm feeling good about that one.
I'm missing my friends from long ago. Well, I guess it wasn't really that long ago--1-2 years. Life will go on for all of us and I look forward to the changes to come.
Soon to be looking at floor plans for near-future new house! Very excited about that one!

In other news: The nephew is irresistable! Dean even picked him up! Shocked us all--Dean, too.

A very slight hint of spring is in the air...I know it's coming. Ready for it. Dreaming of family garden and yard work!

Life now

I got married. I went through with it. I said "yes" and he said "yes" and now we're married. No internet at home yet, but I manage. I love him. The whole "waking up" thing is pretty easy. We work out at the rec center together in the mornings, so I can't be too lazy. Will post more later...know that I am happier than ever!