Tuesday, December 07, 2004

God's voice

In the first dream I was walking up a staircase with 2 men unknown to me in reality. In the dream, I felt a sense of responsibility toward both of them. We were headed to a specific room with one big wall-sized window covered with a sheer curtain. On the back wall was a large bookcase filled with old, dusty books. The wall opposite the window had 2 doors in it. I remember feeling an evil presence as we three climbed the stairs, and I knew I was engaging in spiritual warfare. I was leaving the younger man at this place--an asylum of some kind. The older man was his brother. The younger one kept attempting to harm me physically by biting me and pushing me, but I wasn't afraid of him. I started talking to him about Jesus. I could tell his older brother was talking, but I couldn't make out his words or meaning. That fact didn't seem to bother him or myself. We entered the room and I sat on the arm of an over-stuffed chair with the older brother. Jesus came up again with the younger asking to know more about Him. I moved and sat on his lap and he transformed as I began to tell of Christ. His eyes became darker and wider, his bared teeth had large gaps in them and were covered in blood--as if he had just bitten through someone. I drew backa little and put my hand to his throat to hold him back and cried to to Jesus to help me. All this time the older man had a been yelling at me and slapping at me, but was never quite able to reach me. I knew that asking Jesus' help would make me safe. I knew that if I kept calling for Him I would be okay. I was still very afraid. The next thing I saw, I was rocking back and forth on my knees on the floor with my eyes closed and my hands covering my ears, and I was singing a song which must belong only in my dreams. The words and tune I can almost remember. I could see the demons in human form dancing around me in my mind's eye and I could hear their evil laughter and taunts, but I continued to rock on the floor trying to drown out their sound with my song to my savior. I knew that they could not harm me as long as Jesus would help me.

It was a mix of knowing I had nothing to fear, but still being afraid for my life. I was afraid that I would get tired and fall asleep on the floor and that they would take me over. I was afraid of losing my soul to the dark side if I were to fall asleep. I was fearlessly afraid.

In the next dream, I was leaving campus on an errand in our suburban during a soft rain. It was dark and I had to go through a series of tunnels to reach my destination. On my travels, I realized I had made a wrong turn, but had no way of correcting the mistake. I was in heavy traffic and suddenly found that all vehicles had disappeared, but this seemed normal to me. Hundreds of people were milling around in this underground tunnel wondering what to do. I had the feeling that there was some information missing from the posted directions for exiting the tunnel. I KNEW something was missing, and I could ALMOST remember what it was. I tried to break away from the confused mob to search for the needed information, but the people were everywhere; it seemed they were calmly panicking. I remember feeling frantic. I sensed a time limit to finding the way out.
Towards the back of the tunnel there was a conveyor belt--much like the baggage claim area in an airport. The page with directions on using it to escape was partially missing. Not just any part, the CAUTION! The part where it outlines all the things you need to be careful to avoid in exiting the tunnel. My father was there helping me try to remember. (He wasn't really a prominent figure in the dream; I had more the feeling that he was there.) Eventually we just jumped onto the belt and rode it to the top. We went through danders and made it to the top with some (fleeting) thought as to how the other people in the tunnel would make it out. I almost wanted to find a way to go back and tell the others how to make it, but the desire to finish the "race" and get through the new dangers I sensed to be coming won out and the last thing I remember is jumping off the belt in a factory-type setting and trying to avoid the workers who were yelling at me to stop. It had the feel of a movie ending which leads into a continuation.

In both of these dreams, nobody touched me in a harmful manner. The people would reach for me and threaten me, but they were never quite able to touch me. I was afraid of what they threatened to do to me, but I was also fearless because I knew that they could never really hurt me because I knew and called on Jesus. They would scream at me that Jesus didn't really love me and that He wasn't really there, and that He was imaginary, and I was afraid to fall asleep because I was afraid that I would awaken and believe it. I kinda feel like God allowed me to hear and see my own demons and guided my dreamed-of actions so that I would be reassured that He never leaves me......not even in my sleep.


roy said...

Hey. God is always with us. Lord, be with Amanda, give her the strength to not submit to the demons that would pull her down. Lord, she is under immense spiritual warfare, be with her, guard her, be a tower of refuge and strength for her. Amen.

Anonymous said...

I believe you have been given a special glimpse into yourself and your situation at present. There are many interpretations which could be derived from these two dreams, but really only you can fit it best with what you know and are experiencing right now. The mind has many ways of working through thoughts and knotty problems, and sometimes it paints with a very broad and vague brush.

However, there is something to be said for the spiritual element. I believe I once read a quote somewhere that when we sleep, when we are wrapped in dreams, the veil between this world and that of...netherworlds, shall we say...lifts slightly, or becomes a little more transparent. I think it is safe to say that you have a special perception and sensitivity to that world which many of the bubble do not possess or have closed themselves off from (sometimes with good reason).

Take care, Reverie. You travel a stony road. But you are less alone than you might feel. Seek after the light even when sometimes the eyes grow dim and become blinded.