Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Fitting in

Sometimes I just want to haul off and tell people exactly what I think of them. I see in others exactly what I see in myself and I know it would be easier to tell others about their imperfections in order to make myself feel better and it's less work than trying to fix them in myself. Did that sentence even make sense?

While I was at home for the semester break, I didn't do a whole lot of reflection. I spent a good portion of my time wasting it. I read a few books, put together a few puzzles, played some cards, watched movies, and left home very little. I didn't see any of my friends (save one) and I rather enjoyed that. It's nice to have friends, but I really learn to appreciate them when they're gone for a while. I feel like I'm out of place here now. I can't sleep because I'm not tired. I want to tell people exactly what I think of them, but that would mean that I have to be open to listening to their opinions regarding me. I would have to be prepared to hear the worst, and frankly, I'm too lazy to prepare myself for that. I'm in a state of apathy. I don't care about you. I don't care about the earth. I don't care about school. But I'm sure I'll be myself again in a few days. At least, I hope I will be.

I saw him across a crowded room and I wondered whether or not he even noticed me.
I've seen his eyes before, and known his heart in my dreams.
He is only a dream; an illusion sent to tempt and frustrate.
I keep telling myself, "It's only a dream..."
When will I awake?

No comments: