Sunday, January 08, 2006


Just sit there and imagine what it's like to feel something so deeply that all you can do is be silent and wonder at the foresight of our amazing God. Imagine the breathless anticipation of what will come next. Think about what it's like to know that you're so limited that there's no way you'll ever be able to completely articulate everything that you're feeling in a way anyone but God will ever understand. Imagine how it feels to begin to share those thoughts with someone you trust. The joy and hope and fear which all come with going out on a limb and hoping to be caught. The exhilirating breath before the unknown. You've opened your heart and shared--and been dropped. You've been misunderstood. You've been pushed away. The very core of you screams in pain; but you won't let them see what they've done. Your first desire is to not hurt the other person...and still you wish you could tell them what they're doing without bursting into tears yourself.

Now, imagine that you've done all the same thing: you've opened up and shared, but this time you've been caught! The other person listened to what you were trying to say. They pulled you closer and listened to your heart without telling you that you're wrong. Your soul dances with joy and love and hope; nothing can dim your spirit. Jesus is the only one who never fails to catch.

People will always disappoint and drop. Sometimes it seems like God asks us to follow some people without question. He wants us to honor others and their wishes, but not when their wishes and desires go against His. He will never ask us to follow someone who does not love Him. Many people think they love Him; they may even go to church and have emotional experiences. But the people who really love God and His Son are obvious. The fruit they cannot help but bear is not fruit which can be hidden. These are the people who struggle with others and cry with them and listen.

I try to be a happy individual, but there are times when I don't feel very joyful. It always happens on a day when I haven't spoken much to my Best Friend, Jesus. My relationships with people will come and go, but Jesus is always there. The bad times come and often stay for long stretches, but I know that's when Jesus is telling me I'm trying it on my own again. I'm never unhappy when I give Him everything. But the surrender itself is the hardest part. I have to completely give up on myself and trust someone else with everything I have...even my heart. It's scary. It must be even more so for those who have trusted someone before (even someone they should have been able to trust) and been dropped and stepped on and despised. You'll never be truly happy until you give up and let someone else drive. Besides, it's easier to relax and look at the scenery when you're riding.

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