Friday, April 22, 2005

Almost over

I just finished writing a paper over 1000 pages of reading. I only have about 1500 pages more to read and write about and then I'll be totally done with all my projects before finals next week. I've been searching for a way to let all my closest friends know how much they mean to me, and I've finally come up with a solution! I'll keep you updated on that.

I'm sensing more often the bittersweet quality which only comes with the end of a school year. This is a different kind of sweetness because it's my last school year. I don't feel bitter at this end. What I feel is a beautiful mix of sweetness and anticipation and fear. The sweetness comes from the knowledge that I've acomplished something big; the anticipation is bred from questions about the future; the fear from knowing I'm leaving some of my closest and dearest friends.

What will I do when I can't just go upstairs or across campus to get a hug from a friend? What will happen to me when a phone call just isn't enough? Will they even miss me like I know I'll miss them? I find myself intensely interested in what my fellow seniors will be doing in the next year. I want to sit down with so many of them--even ones I've never been very close to--and just talking about their plans. I love to watch the way their eyes light up when they talk about this summer, or their wedding, or the job they got. This is the time when so much joy is found all around me, and though I know it can't last, I desperately wish it could.

Even with all this joy, I know that not everyone is gleefully anticipating the next few weeks. For these precious people I pray that they'll not be bitter in the midst of all the happiness. I have experienced true Joy and I have had a taste of the Joy to come. With this taste comes the burning passion to share the Joy. If you ask me, I'll share it.

I have a friend whose heart hurts and I'm not sure what to do. The human in me wants to fix it, but I fully realize that there's nothing I can do to open their eyes. In fact, their eyes ARE open, but they turn their face away from the truth for the lack of proof. They know they hold their eternal life in the balance and yet they go on denying the existance of my soul's lover. In effect, this friend calls me not a liar, but blindly ignorant with regard to all things eternal. Last night we talked and my friend asked me HOW I know my beliefs are true. I can't explain in a way they'll understand because our hearts are not in the same place. All I can do is live and love them the only way I know how--completely and with all my heart.

This I think is enough from the mind and heart of this almost-graduate. I hope all have a beautiful day and good luck with the end of the school year!

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